1. Coffee Isn’t a Beverage, It’s a Survival Mechanism

Let’s be honest: half the people in your office would be completely unemployable without caffeine. That “first coffee of the day” isn’t just a ritual — it’s the only reason Greg from accounting hasn’t thrown his monitor out the window. Want to see the real chaos? Hide the coffee filters.

2. The Office Fridge Is a Land of Broken Promises

Every workplace has one: the communal fridge of doom. Leftovers from 2019, a yogurt that’s now developing sentience, and that Tupperware no one will claim but everyone fears. At this point, it’s less a place to store food and more of a cold shrine to procrastination and passive aggression.

3. We All Pretend to Work Harder When Slack Is on “Green”

That little green dot is modern corporate theater. You might be scrolling memes with one hand, but as long as Slack says “Active,” you’re basically the MVP of your team. And yes, everyone knows about the mouse jigglers. No shame, just solidarity.

4. That One Coworker Who “Doesn’t Believe in Headphones” Is a Menace

Playing TikToks on speaker? Watching YouTube tutorials out loud? It’s 2025 and this person still thinks the whole office wants to hear their phone buzz every three seconds. If public shaming were acceptable in HR policy, they’d have a scarlet Bluetooth icon stitched onto their blazer.

5. Remote Work Made Everyone a Little Feral

We used to pretend to be civilized — pants, eye contact, human conversation. Then came Zoom life. Now, half of us communicate in GIFs, eat over the sink, and panic when we hear a doorbell. Going back to the office feels like trying to reintegrate into society after a Netflix-induced hibernation.